Must Be Worth It

So in one of the classes I am taking we are reading a book that takes a look at a model basic values that more or less define culture. To the author of the book, there are six pairs of contrasting traits.  Being an immigrant in America, I can see how my personal values are mixture between those of my cultural background as a Hispanic and those of the environment I've been raised in for the majority of my life, aka the US. As a result, I find myself either in conflict as I pull away from the traditions of my parents (which younger generations tend to do anyways, for better or worse) or I find myself right in the middle of with no preference for either trait.

As I finally caught back up in the reading of this book (I promised myself I will keep this one resolution), the last two pairs of contrasting traits I read about I noticed were two things I've been struggling with for a while now. The first value is called tensions about self-worth, with the two traits being status focused or achievement focused. The second one is tensions regarding vulnerability, with its two traits being willingness to expose vulnerability or a concealment of vulnerability. 

I am not sure how good I am at describing these but I will give it a go. I will dedicate a blog for each because I could talk about each forever. So I'll cover the second one soon. The first one deals with how we value people. Do we look to their personal achievements or do we look at their societal standing? In general (because we can't really generalize everything), America, as a country that values individualism, will value people according to what they have accomplished. In America, people love the underdog story, the rags to riches story, and people are given praise for their accomplishments. In another culture, let's say the Yapese because they're the example given in the book, people see their worth not through merits but through birth and social rank. Now keep in mind, neither value is good nor bad. What my professor always refers to is that these values are on a continuum with the contrasting pairs at opposite ends and your beliefs just fall somewhere in the middle. It just depends in which culture you're in to see how well your view is accepted.

For me, I feel like I am an extremist. Well, that probably isn't necessarily a good label, just the one that always pops into my head every time I to think of the way I do things. I'm either all or none. I like to either dress up entirely or be a complete bum. I work really hard or, once again, bum around. (Quite frankly, this may just be a fight against my laziness). In all honesty, I know I do not have the greatest self esteem and either measure of valuing people trips me up. I will respect others simply for who they are, their title, because in someway they merit, even if by birth they've had to do something to maintain their reputation. I also will respect others because of their achievements because clearly they deserve honor where honor is due. But when it comes to myself, I find it difficult. 


There's a term MLK Jr. calls "drum major instinct," in which it shows people's desire to be the best and rise above even if that means pushing others down to get to the spot, yet all the while not feeling up to one's own standard. So it becomes a cycle, and I can see that in my life to some extent. I would like to hope I haven't pushed anyone down to better myself but I know in my head I am proud and find myself comparing to others to see some good in me. My brother never fails to remind me I was salutatorian, for some reason I think he's more proud of it than me.But as I do that I realize I am not good. "There is no one good among us, not not one." 


I guess, in complete honesty, I just don't want to find my worth through my accomplishments or through my family as great as a reputation and heritage they've given me, that is empty. My worth, your worth, comes through something greater, something everlasting, something un-created, something unfathomable. How can you put a price on something priceless? Your worth comes through the simple fact that you are who you are, and you are a creation of God. And more than that you are HIS personal creation. God, the Sacred, the Divine, the Other, whatever you wish to call It, Yahweh, creator of all this universe, of all there is, loves you, loves you personally, with all your apparent flaws and oddities, everything that you are, whatever you are, He loves you. He, who is the essence of love, who IS love, finds you worthy of love. You must be worth it.


At some point in our life, we struggle finding purpose and worth, but don't worry you're not alone. You're never ever alone. If that ever seems to be the case, you know where to find me :)






"Once you know this Jesus, there's nothing better for you" :)
-  She Said, The Walla Recovery