Maybe I'm Just an Idealist

I would like to think that people are noble. I would like to think there is good in everyone. But maybe I'm just an idealist. 


The other day I stuck was in the midst of an argument between people that I hold near and dear to my heart. It made sad. I couldn't stand it. But all I could do is sit there and listen to them and think to myself, why do have to be right? Why can't both of you accept that there is some sort of miscommunication and actually listen to each other? Why does only one of you have to be right? I couldn't understand.


Why can't we just for a moment give up of ourselves and accept the other person for the sake of harmony? For the sake of love? Why can't we choose to be the bigger man, so to speak, and let go of our pride? Why does someone always have to be right?


Both of the people arguing had valid points but their anger wouldn't let them accept the other's point. Anger confused their logic. Had one decided to listen, they would have seen. Had one decided to listen, they would have stopped hurting the other with their words. I mean, what's so great in arguing anyways if we are just going to be close-minded and tear other people down. Debating I could maybe understand because the point is to be constructive at the very least. But arguing is a matter of pride.


But why against someone you love? Why wouldn't you choose to be selfless? Love is selfless. One of the passages that really inspires me to think this way is Romans 12:18. It says "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." It's about valuing others before yourself. To seek the well being of others before yourself.


But I have a serious problem here. As much as I want to love others and seek peace, I forfeit things about me that make me me. I've noticed that I am people pleaser. Well, I've been knowing that. I use to think I was noble in doing so. But after deep reflectioning, I am beginning to see the real reason behind my actions. I want people to be happy not just for their sakes, but also, and sometimes even more so, for my own. It's like I have a love deficit. 


Let me explain. When I was still very young, I lost my mother to cancer. God in His mercy provided me with a new mother a couple years later. She loved (and still loves) me as her own child, but I felt like I needed to win her love. I did things so she would be happy with me. I made sure I was well behaved and got good grades in school. In every aspect of life, I made sure people were pleased with me. I never wanted to feel like a burden to anyone. I was your typical overachiever. I would always volunteer to help people, even if I didn't want to, thinking about denying the opportunity somehow did not ring with me. To this day, I still tell people I don't know many people that don't like me. I noticed that my actions weren't all that noble as I thought. 


Yet, I'm not as ignoble as I think of myself to be. I genuinely would like to think that all people still have a sense of goodness in then. After all, we were created by God. And God is good. We must have a hint of good in us. We must strive to let goodness and kindness reign. We must be moved by love. Love holds all things together. Love is life :)