As most well know, generally speaking, as people mature, people learn to attain a balance between being emotionally driven and rationalizing things. Years having gone by, I look back and realize how much more emotional I used to be. In my personal opinion, I don't think I was ever a really impulsive person. However, you may ask my mom and she may say differently. Given that I have a terribly memory and that she is my mother, she is probably right.
Anyway, growing up my tendency was to bottle up emotions, somehow hoping that in due time I could somehow examine those emotions on my own and resolve them. Time went on and I probably resolved a handful on my own, others were talked out with friends or family but everything else was dumped into the confines of my mind. My inability to remember things was probably key to helping me go through tough issues and the hurt. You may think it's an odd thing to praise God about but I do because I don't know how I would have dealt with certain issues otherwise; although, right now I'm not too happy-go-luck about it with my classes because I can't remember a concept I learned 5 years ago. But overlooking that, my faulty memory has been by far one of my most utilized defense mechanisms.
Recently, however, I've discovered another defense mechanism that I use. I call it my honey badger mechanism. Why do I call it that you may ask? Well, if you're ever have some spare time on the internet, as you probably do now, there is a dubbed over video floating out there about honey badgers narrated by some sassy man. If you don't feel like wasting your time, here is the key: honey badgers don't care; they don't give a poo. I've noticed that for me, instead of deciding how to feel about an issue, I just default drop it into my "don't care" box.
So now, you got the two main ways I resolve things on my own: I forget about them or I don't care about them. And now you may see where this leads me to... The way I deal with things is I don't deal with things. And this is simply no way to live.
But I hope you didn't miss it. It's all in the wording. That's how I deal with things on my own. Thanks be to God in heaven I don't have to deal with problems on my own. I am blessed to have a family of faith, which my closest friends ad family are a part of, to help me through these difficulties. And not just difficulties but also those enjoyable things about life, too.
Lately, I've been so consumed and overwhelmed with my everyday activities, that simply put: I feel drained. Nothing that I've spent my time on is bad per se. My life is basically school, work, church and somewhere in the mix I think I eat, maybe even sleep. But I think I've been undermining the importance of enjoying the company of all these wonderful people God has placed in my life. I don't want the years to go by and only realize that I wasted the time I could have invested building my relationships.
Sometimes, I really let my exhaustion and my on-the-go lifestyle get the best of me. But right now, in this moment, I'm going to ask a favor from you. Would you pray for me? Would you help me on my journey out of apathy? I'll pray for you, too. If you know me personally, would you forgive me for not giving you my time? I love you and you are deserving of my love and time (as little as that may be). Thank you for still being my friend even in the absence of communication. Let's continue building our relationships as upright and as unwavering as possible. :)
And with this I leave y'all to continue my homework! Toodles!
Lord, this is my prayer: renew in me a steadfast spirit (Psalm 51:10).
